Speak Up, Love: Why Your Needs Matter

Once upon a time (okay, maybe last Tuesday), a woman sat quietly across from someone she liked very much.

She laughed at the right moments, nodded thoughtfully, and said, “I’m easy!” when asked where she wanted to go next.

What she didn’t say was that she was exhausted, craving something meaningful, and really just wanted to go somewhere quiet where the cocktails weren’t £14.

Sound familiar?

We’ve been raised, many of us, to be agreeable. To smooth over awkwardness, to take up a bit less space, and heaven forbid, not come across as needy.

Be easy. Be nice. Be low-maintenance. Don’t ruffle feathers. Don’t be a bother. Just go along with things, and for goodness' sake, don’t ask for too much.

Taught to be nice

From a young age, girls are taught to please others. We’re told that good girls smile, nod, and put others first. So that’s what we do. And the praise that comes with it? It makes us want to keep going. Be agreeable. Be likeable. Don’t make anyone uncomfortable.

But here’s the lovely little truth we often forget: Having needs doesn’t make you needy. It makes you human.

Somewhere along the way, accommodating became a badge of honour, and assertive got a bad rep. We were taught to be understanding, flexible, low-maintenance... and in the process, many of us forgot how to be honest about what we actually want.

But you are allowed to want things. To need things. To expect things. That’s not diva behaviour. It’s the groundwork of a good, and happy, life.

Because when we hush our needs, we don’t just end up a little sad. We end up unhappy. Unseen. Unfulfilled. We end up playing a role — the “cool girl,” the “easy one,” the one who never makes waves.

The cost of staying quiet

Eventually, we start to feel like the victim of our own silence. We wait for someone to notice we’re unhappy, to read our minds, to guess what we need.

And when they don’t, resentment creeps in. Quietly at first. Then all at once.

That’s not a healthy relationship. That’s a slow unravel.

It’s not about listing demands like a diva in a movie trailer. It’s about quietly, calmly saying things like:

“I’m looking for something serious.”

“I value communication.”

“I don’t feel comfortable with you being friends with your ex.”

“I’m not okay with you liking half-naked selfies on Instagram at 2 a.m.”

Not outrageous. Not dramatic. Just boundaries.

No maybe, baby

Think back. Have you ever said yes when you meant maybe? 

Stayed quiet when your whole body was screaming this isn’t it? 

That little pang in your chest? 

That was your inner compass. She’s got excellent taste, and she wants the best for you.

When you start expressing your needs clearly and confidently, without wrapping them in 17 disclaimers and nervous laughter, you create a filter.

The wrong people will fall away (blessings in disguise), and the right ones will meet you there, where you are, no pretending necessary.

Because your needs aren’t “too much” or an inconvenience. They are the map to the love and life you actually deserve.

And if they can’t handle that? Then they were never going to be able to handle you.