Priority Or Placeholder? Know The Difference

The truth about being someone's "maybe"

So here you are. Perched somewhere between “it’s complicated” and “he’s just got a lot going on right now.”

You’re not quite single, not quite taken. Not crying into a tub of ice cream, but also not glowing from being loved properly. You’re in the murky, muggy middle: the land of maybe.

And it’s exhausting, isn’t it? It’s the kind of uncertainty that doesn’t break your heart outright, but chips away at your self-worth bit by bit.

A text that takes hours. Plans that evaporate. Vague promises tossed like confetti but never actually landing anywhere. It’s not rejection, not exactly, but it still leaves you feeling pretty rubbish.

It's okay if they don't choose you - you choose you

Let’s say this part out loud together: You are not a backup plan

You are worthy of being a priority, not a backup. If he says he "just wants to be friends," remember - you’ve already got those. Lovely ones, in fact. Friends who remember your birthday, send you memes that make you snort-laugh, and never leave you on read.

You don’t need to be someone’s fallback while they figure out their feelings or their life. You’re not an emotional placeholder, waiting patiently while they go on their journey of self-discovery (or just date other people). You deserve someone who already knows what a good thing they’ve found.

People will treat you how you let them. If you keep making yourself available to someone who only shows up when it's convenient, you're teaching them that your time, your presence, and your heart are always up for grabs. And that kind of arrangement? It slowly, gently unravels your sense of self.

But let’s be honest: if they’re unsure, iffy, or conveniently vague, they are not your person.

And my love, your self-worth should not be hanging off the edge of someone else’s indecision.

You deserve certainty

What you deserve is someone who doesn’t need a flow chart and a team of therapists to figure out whether or not they want to be with you.

You need someone who’s all in - not just on Fridays when their plans fell through.

Ask yourself...

• Are they choosing you or keeping their options open, just in case?

• Do you feel seen, or do you feel like someone handy to text when they’re bored?

• Are you building something real?

Five signs you might be their placeholder

1. The disappearing act
He’s all candlelight and chemistry one day, and then radio silence the next. If he’s hot and cold enough to make your emotional thermostat glitch - he’s being inconsistent. And inconsistency means you're not a priority in his life.

2. The calendar houdini
Plans are vague, flaky, or last-minute - always based on whether something “better” comes along. If you’re being booked like a backup plan, guess what? That’s what you are.

3. You're project managing the romance
You’re sending the messages, planning the dates, keeping the conversation going and for what? A fire emoji? Girl...

4. The anti-relationship declaration
He says he’s not ready for a relationship or unsure but somehow still wants all the emotional benefits? No. You're not a romantic halfway house. If someone tells you they’re not available, believe them. And believe in you enough to walk away.

5. That ‘not quite special’ feeling
You don’t feel adored. Or safe. Or like you’re his first thought. You feel like you’re making excuses for why he’s not that bad. But you’re not meant to be tolerated. You’re meant to be treasured.

So, what now? (It's not settling)

If there’s a small, wise voice in your head whispering “this isn’t it,” listen to her. She’s been watching quietly while you convinced yourself this was fine. But she knows better.

Leaving can feel terrifying - like giving up on love. But the love you’re giving up isn’t really love, is it? It’s just the hope that maybe it could be.

But you don’t need maybe.

You need yes. Loud, clear, no-hesitation yes.

So if you’re in a situation where you’re hoping, waiting, overthinking, or settling - it's time to step back.

Release it and reclaim your peace.